1. I am completely and totally (irrationally, obviously) afraid of sharks. I am fascinated by them. I watch shark week like it’s going out of style! But the fact that my husband won’t promise me that he’ll never-ever, ever swim in the ocean makes me sick to my stomach. It really does. Seriously.
2. I have a crush on Steve. From blues clues. He’s just so earnest.
3. I don’t dance in public, but I do dance in my kitchen. Almost every day. With Graysen.
4. I don’t watch movies that don’t end with ‘happily ever after’. As in, get outa here, Nicholas Sparks, with your romantic tragedies! Dying in your old age with your soul mate does not count as a fairy tale ending. I mean it does in real life…but not in the movies. No one dies. Ever. Those are the rules.
5. I secretly dip french fries in vanilla ice cream and smack like Winnie the Pooh. Oh, man. It’s so good.
6. I have developed a new-found hatred for deer. I know, right? They are mystical, beautiful creatures…blah, blah, blah. I used to think so too! But then I moved to a house where they come around in their little deer families and stand in the yard all stupid and deer-like, with their self-entitlement and arrogance. And they’re all…aloof and presumptuous. And rude. Go stare at somebody else with your big, surprised lookin eyes.
7. Technologically speaking, I live in the stone age. I can barely turn my computer on…which is unfortunate.
8. Once, when I was a kid, I had this cat that attacked me. And so I hit it -( I was like 5, okay) and then it ran away. And what I mean by ‘ran away’ is, I watched it as it ran away…into the horizon. It stopped 1/2 a mile out and looked at me, as if to say goodbye. But then it turned around and ran and never came back!
9. Speaking of animals who ran away…my family once had this dog- it was a boxer. And one day we were outside with the dog (who ran free because we were twenty miles out in the country) and this biker rode past our house on his sporty little bicycle, and the dog chased after the biker, and we yelled at him to stop and come back, but he didn’t. He just kept running. We never saw him again. True story.
10. Run-on sentences don’t count when you’re blogging…
Do you think maybe animals didn’t like living with us?
11. My grandmother ran over my mom’s favorite dog. Another true story.
12. I’d rather have a pet laptop than a dog. And I say that after I talked my husband into buying me a Great Dane for christmas. Thanks, love!
13. I didn’t get my ears pierced until I was 15 because I was scared. But then I started and couldn’t stop. I got 5 piercings in 4 months… Can we say adrenaline junkie?
14. Once, I bought this army green, once piece overall-jumper thing because I think it would make me look cool, ya know, like someone who fell out of VH1. But my husband gave me the crazy eye when I put it on, so I never wore it. BUT I think I still have it, and it is in a box somewhere. Green jumpers will come in eventually…
15. I love shows about animals attacking people. Something’s wrong with me. I know. It’s not like I’m happy that people are getting attacked. It’s just that it’s so bizarre I have to watch…you understand, right?
16. Speaking of Attacking…I used to LOVE zombie movies. I was the ultimate killing machine in all my zombie dreams (doesn’t everyone have zombie dreams?). I would run around blasting zombies with my 9mm, and being all stealthy and ninja-like… But then I had kids. And now I can’t even think about zombies. In fact, I’ll probably have nightmares just because I wrote this. Because now in my zombie dreams, I have three kids hanging off my body and I’m frantically trying to find somewhere to hide them, and I can’t scale walls with three kids on my back! Ah! The things you give up when you have kids…. life is sacrifice.
17. I can’t buy oreos because I’m incapable of not eating the whole box in one sitting.
18. Would you call the oreo container a box or a bag? Food for thought. (Zing!)
19. Number 18 wasn’t a fact, it was a question. But since it ended with such a clever one-liner, I’m going to let it count.
20. I love ya. Did ya know that? Huh?
I really do.